rebuildyourruins | Drift Fleet

I think it does. I just don't know how.

[He may have punctured the Marsiva's hull a few dozen times, but Thor's yet to pierce the veil around the Atroma in general. None of them have. How long will it take...? Breathing out through his nose, he shrugs his shoulders abruptly.]

No matter. It isn't impervious, and that is a good thing.

[ he doesn't like that look. there's something below the surface, something loki can't quite touch and it bothers him. instead loki reaches out to touch thor's face, hands resting against each cheek. ]

You did well.

[Thor doesn't flinch exactly. He does, however, look taken aback. The validation is unexpected, as is the sudden touch.]

I know? --yes, I know.

[Though he can't deny that it's some faint relief to hear it. To know the effort was worth something. He tells himself it is constantly, though like many things repeated too often it ends up sounding like meaningless noise in his own mind.]

[ loki rolls his eyes, but he pulls back gently. ]

As long as you do.

I am the one who brought it up.

[Just not with this kind of commentary in mind. He relents, leaning back against his old desk.]

Since ... precious little has happened otherwise.

[Not here, not at home.]

And it's grating on you again. More than ever.

[ loki's still perceptive, even if he's not sure how to fix it. ]

If I can't do something about here, then--

[How can I do something about home? Exhaling hard, he shakes his head.]

It has taken so long to get to even this point. I refuse to let it take another year or more to get further.

You've already done something. The rest will fall into place. But you must be careful, Thor.

[ because it sounds like . . . loki's thinking. running in circles, trying to find a loophole. it works, but it's also rather damning. dangerous. for all that loki mocks thor's intelligence, this is not the kind of mindset he wants to see in his brother. ]

You can't expect me to just sit back because I did one thing.

[ loki snaps. ]

I expect you to take care of yourself, first and foremost.

[--well, here they go. Whether he was expecting the snap or not, Thor finds himself unsurprised to be in an argument. His own hackles rise and he pushes away from the desk.]

What the hell is that supposed to mean? I'm fine, Loki, I know how to handle myself.

[ it certainly has been brewing. ]

Oh, so the brooding, clearing out the office, throwing yourself into any situation to make yourself useful is fine now?!

[The office was not something Thor wanted to discuss, even if Loki's very action in rearranging the place meant they'd been dancing around the subject already. Thor's voice raises as he curls his hands into fists.]

You're one to talk about brooding! Yes, I'm trying to help here. You make it sound like some great crime!

Edited 2019-04-28 08:03 (UTC)

[ his eyes flash as loki hisses out. ]

You don't want to help. You want to ease your conscience because you failed at something for the first time and you don't know what to do about it.

[It's the wrong thing to say.

The sky can't darken on the Iskaulit, but Thor's expression can, his scowl deepening into real anger. Electricity sparks around his fists as his eyes flash too - only it's more literal for Thor, that blinding brightness making the room seem dimmer by comparison.]

Mind your tongue, Loki.

[He grates it out, a warning not to push him any further.]

[ know your place, brother. his tongue turns leaden in his mouth and it's difficult not to step back, to flee. loki's not sure if he recognizes this brother — or he recognizes him all too well.

but it doesn't last. he straightens, chin jutting out. ]

Fixing this place won't fix your mistake.

Yeah, I get it!

[He flings an arm aside as he snaps, a bolt of lightning hitting his desk. All his pointless fury has to go somewhere. A burned mark across a table is the best place for it if he wants to keep a lid on himself. And he does, for Loki's sake as much as his own.

The light in his eyes fades away though sparks still crackles around him fitfully. Thor takes a breath, two, then shakes his head.]

I know it won't. But it's better than nothing. I cannot just accept things as they are.

[ his breath hitches in fear but loki stands his ground. ]

I didn't die so you could fix things or drive yourself into the ground doing so. I died so you could keep living.

[It's a knife to his heart, as it always is. Or maybe the knife is always there and just waiting to be twisted. He'll never get it out, he knows. It's lodged there forever, filling the hole left by Loki and his mother and his father and everyone else.

And Thor's no good at hiding it, the hurt slashing across his face. He clenches his teeth.]

And that means what? What does that mean.

[He asks even though he already knows Loki's answer won't match his own. Let him spell it out, if it means that much to him.]

[ loki doesn't understand why this would be so hard for thor. thor, who has friends everywhere and makes them so easily. thor, who is always welcomed with open arms no matter where he goes.

but then again. loki has always lost. loki is used to losing and picking up his jagged edges, forcing them together. thor has never needed to grapple with such a feeling before. loki breathes out, quiet as frost. ]

You'll have to figure that out.

Edited 2019-04-28 09:33 (UTC)

[A fearful idea. One Thor's already brushed past a few times, and wanted to immediately run from. He knows what he's living for - to kill Thanos. After that it won't much matter.

Thor turns and smacks a fist into the desk, cursing the tears in his eyes.]

[ loki flinches, despite himself. ]

Thor . . .

Yeah. Okay. I'll figure it out.

[He doesn't sound confident. He sounds like he wants to cry but is too stubborn to do so. A spiteful part of him murmurs that it's all fine and good for Loki to tell him to live, when he doesn't have to face the scale of loss Thor does. Loki doesn't have the right to dictate how Thor spends the life he bought.

But maybe he does. Maybe in this twisted place where Thor has the hellish relief of Loki's continued presence, his brother does deserve a stake in what Thor does next. He certainly deserves for Thor to finally bring vengeance to Thanos. If he can.

With his back still turned, Thor straightens up a bit and scrubs at his face.]

[ for a moment, loki reaches out with his hand . . . but he lets it drop uselessly. useless, in life and in death. he's not even sure if he made a dent here, but the strange fear courses through him now. useless. loki presses his back against the wall to help smooth the tremors away.

damn the avengers. damn all of thor's friends. and damn loki for thinking they'll be enough. he hopes they stay dead. ]

You will.

[Is that really what Loki believes? Or just hopes? Silence falls for a moment, dense and suffocating.

Thor stirs himself and turns around at last, seeing Loki against the wall. His heart sinks further, somehow. It's been barely any time since calibrations ended, their fight from that time still echoing through his mind. Thor isn't the only one suffering from the fallout of what's happened to them.]

I just... [He stops, not sure what he was trying to say. Trying again, he says what he should have done from the start.] Thank you, for doing this.

[It's meant to be about the office, but it's more than that. He just can't put it into words.]

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