rebuildyourruins | Drift Fleet

Yeah. Okay. I'll figure it out.

[He doesn't sound confident. He sounds like he wants to cry but is too stubborn to do so. A spiteful part of him murmurs that it's all fine and good for Loki to tell him to live, when he doesn't have to face the scale of loss Thor does. Loki doesn't have the right to dictate how Thor spends the life he bought.

But maybe he does. Maybe in this twisted place where Thor has the hellish relief of Loki's continued presence, his brother does deserve a stake in what Thor does next. He certainly deserves for Thor to finally bring vengeance to Thanos. If he can.

With his back still turned, Thor straightens up a bit and scrubs at his face.]

[ for a moment, loki reaches out with his hand . . . but he lets it drop uselessly. useless, in life and in death. he's not even sure if he made a dent here, but the strange fear courses through him now. useless. loki presses his back against the wall to help smooth the tremors away.

damn the avengers. damn all of thor's friends. and damn loki for thinking they'll be enough. he hopes they stay dead. ]

You will.

[Is that really what Loki believes? Or just hopes? Silence falls for a moment, dense and suffocating.

Thor stirs himself and turns around at last, seeing Loki against the wall. His heart sinks further, somehow. It's been barely any time since calibrations ended, their fight from that time still echoing through his mind. Thor isn't the only one suffering from the fallout of what's happened to them.]

I just... [He stops, not sure what he was trying to say. Trying again, he says what he should have done from the start.] Thank you, for doing this.

[It's meant to be about the office, but it's more than that. He just can't put it into words.]

[ loki nods, woodenly. ]

Of course, I —

[ just wanted to help, just wanted to make it better but I can't because I've never learned how to. loki isn't holding the anger so closely. better anger than apathy, always. he has to keep trying though. he has to keep going. his time is running out. loki can feel it closing around him. he needed to believe thor will be fine. he needed to believe that there was some good, some use in his death. ]

— thought it would prove a productive start, at least. It's yours now.

[ with that, loki turns to the door, quietly exiting. ]

[He feels stricken, hearing that, but it's too late to say so. Loki's already left. The office was meant to be both of theirs. Thor doesn't want it just for himself. The idea of coming in here alone to work on anything brings no satisfaction to him.

Thor stares at the doorway for a long time before he makes his way around the room, taking note of what Loki has prepared. It's unlikely half of it will stick in his mind, given how distracted he is. But he tries. When that loses its appeal, he leaves himself to return to the Blue Fish.]

[It's well into the night and past time for most people to be asleep when a text lands on Loki's communicator.]

are you awake

[ a moment. ]

I am. Is something wrong?

no

can i come over?

Of course.

[ . . . ]

My room's open.

[Thor doesn't reply, since it's answer enough.

It's a matter of a few minutes before Thor's shuttle docks on the First Breath. He makes his way down the corridor to Loki's room, not bothering to knock before he opens the door.]

[ loki's room isn't what most would consider homey. it's not sparse, though. the bed is plush with cushions and a decent bedspread. there's a desk where a small bowl of gemstones filled with water resides. his room is filled with long shadows and the few beats of incandescent light that is caught by the stones, dancing on the ceiling.

loki is waiting by the door. he reaches for thor's face, checking him over. ]

[Thor's taken his eye out for the night, eyepatch back in place. Otherwise there's nothing new there that's changed in the last few hours.

The touch doesn't surprise him like it had earlier in the day. If Loki's searching for something in Thor's face, he gets the same attention in kind. It hadn't been the best of partings.]

Yes, hello.

[ loki huffs as he pulls away, self-conscious now. ]

And hello to you too. Couldn't sleep?

No, though I hadn't really tried yet.

[He moves into the room properly, shutting the door behind himself.]

[ loki lingers nearby, watching him. ]

Why not?

I wasn't feeling it.

[True enough. He was too antsy over what had happened before. Thor drops onto the bed, raising his eyebrows at Loki.]

I'd say you aren't sleeping either, but that's obvious.

[ loki shrugs, sitting next to him. ]

It takes me a while to fall asleep. And a while for it to truly settle.

Yeah, I know.

[That's been fairly constant in Loki's life, even before recent years. Thor knows it well enough from the times they've shared space as well. He shifts his shoulders, not entirely comfortable.]

It didn't feel right.

[ shoulder to shoulder, loki looks at thor, his lips pursed. finally, he says. ]

Then tell me. Tell me what you need.

[ tell me.

loki hasn't used the words tell me since the day in the vault. he's stopped asking, stopped wanting to know because knowledge has always hurt. and it hurts worse when it comes from people loki loves. but this cannot go on. it cannot. ]

[Thor's lips draw tight into a line. If it were only that simple. If only Thor knew the answer to that. He bumps Loki's shoulder with his absently, a reassurance of the here and now.]

I don't... [He heaves a sigh, rubbing his eye with a hand.] I need to-- keep going, somehow. If I stop, I fear that will be it.

[Stopping means he's done, that there's nothing left that can be done. He can't bear the idea of that, pointless as it sounds. He stops for a moment before looking at Loki, something helpless in his eye.]

I don't want to work in that office by myself. I want you there with me.

[I need that.]

[ he can't disguise the surprise, lips parted before he nods. ]

Of course.

[ he adds. ]

I'd be happy to.

[Thor had burned it all before because he couldn't stand what it represented. Their working together on a shared goal, for once in their recent lives, with optimism for the future. After Thanos it had hurt to even think about, so better to destroy it. That had only left Thor feeling shaky and alone and guilty.

Breathing out, Thor blinks, not having expected Loki to agree so readily after what he said earlier.]

You would?

[ loki nods, looking away. ]

I never wanted to go anywhere else. I only thought — it would be easier. Not to have a living reminder.

[Thor barks a laugh, finding that helplessly funny.]

I would rather a living reminder than none at all.

[ he winces at that. ]

Still. I am the cause. I cannot even apologize for it.

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