rebuildyourruins | Drift Fleet

Destroying it is one thing but wielding it?

[ His fingers dig into his palms, his body practically vibrating for a fight. The fury rises up in his throat like bile and it's a struggle to force it down. Hela. Hela was worthy. He tosses the papers onto the desk, his eyes stinging. ]

What a joke Mjolnir has become.

[Thor's on his feet at that, reaching out and grabbing Loki by the shoulder. Loki seems liable to explode otherwise, and that's concerning. This could just make it worse yet he'd prefer that to doing nothing.]

Hey.

[It's not said in offense to the slight against the hammer. It's an attempt to get Loki to focus back on him.]

[ For a moment it seems like Loki will lash out, eyes sparking, before he, surprisingly, settles down. There's no point getting angry at Thor, even if it does sting that he doesn't understand this. Suddenly, Loki wants to leave very badly. Or set something on fire. ]

It's fine. I'm fine.

[ Loki presses the heel of his hand to his face before gesturing uselessly at the papers. ]

I should . . . get to work.

No you're not.

[Bluntly. Loki actually dropping the matter just makes it more obvious. He keeps his hand where it is, firm.]

And the papers aren't going anywhere.

[ Loki laughs weakly, shrugging. ]

I said it's fine. I knew that I was never going to lift it. Father knew it, you knew it, everyone on Asgard knew it. It hardly matters anymore.

[ But it feels like the death of a dream. Even though the hammer is long gone, Loki has believed, wanted so badly for the hammer to come alive in his hands. He didn't even want the power of storms or flight. He just wanted, for a second, for the universe to consider him worthy. ]

[It doesn't take much reading between the lines here. Thor's still left looking a bit perplexed.]

You wanted to?

[It had never really occurred to Thor that Loki would have. The hammer had been given to Thor so long ago, and so directly, that it seemed inevitable in its way. He had never thought of it as anything other than his. An illusion chipped at by his banishment and then shattered on the floor of the palace. Yet it's still so much part of the fabric of Thor's reality that it's hard to unravel it from himself.]

[ His shoulders sag as Loki avoids Thor's gaze. He didn't want to admit it. He had never admitted it to anyone. His mother had seen him lift it in illusions and dreams, but she never spread that around. Loki knew that much. ]

Just . . . for a moment. To know.

[As he watches Loki slump, Thor wonders yet again how so many hundreds of years could pass between them and he still didn't notice something like this. Loki had never breathed a word of this desire, not in Thor's hearing. Certainly not in Odin's. He blows out a breath, against the quiet of the room.]

I never knew.

[Obvious, maybe. But worth saying. He lets go of Loki's shoulder finally, only after giving it a squeeze. It's rare for Loki to admit any of his wants so openly.]

But then, it seems I knew little about the hammer itself either.

Perhaps the problem is conflating it in our minds.

In the end . . . is it not just a hammer?

It was. And it wasn't.

["He told you you were worthy ... he said the same thing to me." In that moment Thor had understood his sister, regardless of what needed to come next. Had he not been told the same thing, only to have Odin rip it away? Thor had deserved that punishment, he knows that, but the memory of how it had felt to grab hold of Mjolnir's hammer and have no power to lift it will never leave him. Had Hela felt the same?

He rubs at his chin pensively, eye drifting over to the sword left on his desk.]

I didn't like it. Seeing that.

[There's more bound up in it than simple dislike, but he doesn't have words to explain what it was like seeing lies written into their very household.]

[ Loki cocks his head at him thoughtfully. ]

I suppose you held out for very long. When it came to believing in Odin.

I would not say I no longer do.

[Things have become far more complicated than blind belief. They had been turning that way for a long time, for years. The shine had begun to come off with the invasion of the Dark Elves. Now there's nothing but tarnish across all the memories he has. Thor takes a long breath, looking back to Loki.]

It's just not all that I see anymore.

["You're stronger" lives alongside "My firstborn". They don't fit together. They're both there nonetheless.]

[ He can't help it. Loki laughs softly. It's not mocking and he's not making fun of Thor, but that sure is a revelation Loki had years ago. Seeing it in Thor's face helps. But it also doesn't. It seems like every little victory Loki wanted was never quite what he expected. ]

It is not bad. It is simply a thing that is, in the end. Complexity is good for the soul, Thor.

[Oh, please, with the artful words. It punctures the mood well enough though, and Thor just cocks an eyebrow.]

I think we've had plenty enough of complexity for the next hundred years, don't you?

That may be true.

[ A little gently, a smile on his lips. Loki has reconciled two different Odins. One who told him he was loved. One who told him his birthright was death. It feels like a wound, but really, it is a pinprick, a poke to a balloon. The loss of air means little these days. ]

He was your father, despite it all. What else needs to be reconciled? That's all you need.

Our father. [Thor tilts his head before nodding.] And you're right.

[There are splinters to be dug from beneath his skin, certainly. He will always wonder if Odin looked on him the day of his coronation and saw only the shadow of Hela in his actions, his lust for war. There will always be lies there that he didn't see before. At the end of the day, Odin was still his father. Nothing would really change that.]

[ Loki shrugs, completely ignoring the "our father" remark. He's not ready to deal with that yet. ]

I have a little experience in this, that's all.

Yeah. [Thor rolls his shoulders slightly, relieved enough to get to the bottom of Loki's distress without something worse flaring up between them. And if there's a little more understanding than before, then all the better.] You do.

[ Loki pointedly looks away. It is a contradiction within Loki that he constantly seeking validation, but when it comes, he finds himself unable to fully deal with it. The burn of anger is easier when it's dismissed. Or Loki simply doesn't know what to do with that acknowledgement. Was it supposed to make him feel better? Or worse? ]

As I said. Only a little.

[It means Loki misses Thor's wry smile, knowing full well that it amounted to far more than a 'little'. He isn't going to hammer the point home - that will only earn him some ire. Instead, Thor claps Loki's shoulder again and reaches past him to pick up the papers.]

It still counts. Now, do you still want these?

Yes. I suppose I should do what I came here for.

[Handing over the papers, he grins.]

Show them no mercy.

Oh, I don't plan to.

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